So Wasted
by Zenaga the Sea Serpent
Summary: Ryou goes into the kitchen to find a thoroughly drunk alien... Pai x Retasu, implied Ryou/Pai.


Ryou raised an eyebrow at the completely drunk alien who was sitting in the kitchen, an empty bottle hanging loosely from his hand. Said alien was glaring at him through hazy eyes, his lips pressed firmly in a straight line.

"May I help you, Pai-san?" Ryou asked, placing a hand on his hip as Pai chuckled cynically. Holding the empty bottle up to examine it, he spoke, his voice still steady and calm, although he slurred his words.

"If you died… maybe I'd be happy." Pai said as he lowered the bottle again, returning his gaze to the blond man who stood, scrutinizing him. "I hate you. Got any liquor?" He growled as Ryou examined him, trying to decide what the best approach would be in this situation. Although the aliens had made peace with the Mews and company, the two men who were currently in the kitchen hadn't exactly become friends. Deciding that if Pai were at the point of actually expressing himself, he clearly must have been so wasted that a little more alcohol wouldn't really make a difference. Shrugging, Ryou made his way over to a cabinet on the far side of the kitchen, opening it to reveal a rack of wine bottles.

After examining a few bottles, he settled on a European red wine, Pai watching his every move. "I hate you." The alien man growled again as he loosened his black tie. Ryou frowned as he shuffled through a drawer in search for the bottle opener.

"You already said that." He said, screwing the opener into the cork as Pai stared up at the ceiling. The bottle opened with a satisfying pop. "Nice suit, by the way." Ryou said as the other man looked down at his scuffed up suit. Laughing cynically again, he took the full wine glass that the blonde man was offering him.

"Retu… Retasu… said that too…" Pai said before he downed the glass of wine, and as soon as it was empty, he gestured to the other man that he should refill it. "She said that… that I looked like… uh… like… umm…" He furrowed his brow, watching as Ryou refilled the glass. "I forgot what she said, but it was something sweet and delicious- I mean… um… sweet." He downed the wine again quickly.

"You know, you really should savor it." Ryou said, taking a sip from his own glass as he once again filled Pai's. Glaring up at him, he gingerly brought the cup to his lips, slurping at it before he began to speak again.

"I really wanted to savor it… but goddamn Retasu just left… and stuff." He growled as he set the glass on the counter behind him. "She started crying and shit, saying that it wasn't fair to me and stuff…" He stared at his hands angrily, remembering the events that had taken place that evening. "I always thought that she would feel soft, but not quite that…" He looked up at Ryou who was raising an eyebrow suggestively. Pai frowned. "You were talking about the wine, weren't you?"

Ryou simply said nothing as he turned away, setting his glass down on the counter. "It sounds like you had an eventful evening." He said as the alien glared at the back of his head, curious as to why the man had turned away.

"It was nice." Pai said softly. "Until she left…" His eyes narrowed as he clenched his fists. "Because she loves you," he hissed. Ryou made no indication of surprise, but simply stared ahead at the cabinet before him, his hands resting on the counter. "She won't be with me because _you're_ the one she wants." The alien man growled, standing up. "All this time, she's wanted you, and you won't even look her way." He said as the blonde continued to stand in silence. "What do you have to say for yourself?"

"It's not my fault that she likes me, and that I don't like her back."

Pai snapped, roughly grabbing the other man's shoulder and turned him around. He was surprised to see sadness glimmering in the man's eyes. "This is all because you're after Ichigo, right?" He growled as Ryou looked at him blankly, his hands resting at his side.

"I'm not going after Ichigo."

"Don't lie to me."

"It's true. I was once pursuing her, but I was trying to hide."

Pai frowned at Ryou's words.

"Hide what?"

"I don't like girls. I'm gay."

Pai's brow furrowed at this. "I'm not familiar with that term." He said as Ryou's cheeks reddened slightly, his face downcast.

"It means that I'm only attracted to other guys." He said boldly, although this wasn't information that he had ever shared. "Go ahead, laugh. You already hate me."

And Pai did laugh. He fell back into his chair, resting his head in his hand. Ryou frowned, his brow furrowed.

"Humans are so un-evolved." The alien laughed, looking back up at the blonde man.

"What do you mean?"

"You still make distinctions like that?"

"Yes."

"That's why I say that you're un-evolved."

"Why?"

Pai smiled up at him suggestively. _Yup, definitely drunk._ Ryou thought as he examined the grinning alien. "Where I come from, you're attracted to who you're attracted to." The alien said as the other man's eyes widened with surprise. "There's not distinction between genders, since we can just clone ourselves, and the sexual aspect is purely for enjoyment." Ryou raised an eyebrow.

"Really?"

"Really."

"Kisshu never mentioned this."

"He's probably more aware of the taboos of human society than I. I'm more interested in how you've managed not to go extinct."

Reaching behind him, Pai grabbed his wine glass and took a sip, staring into the red liquid. Ryou frowned as he remembered that the alien was highly intoxicated. "Are you serious, or are you messing with me?" As Ryou spoke, Pai pulled the glass away from his lips and looked up at him.

"I'm serious." Pai said, setting the glass down again. "Want me to show you?" He asked with a frown as he pulled off his tie and began to unbutton his maroon shirt. Ryou immediately blushed, shaking his head 'no'. Pai sneered at him, settling his hands back at his side. "That's good. I didn't want to sleep with you." The glass once again found its way to the alien's hand, Pai's shirt falling open in the process. Ryou looked away, his cheeks still pink. He wasn't going to deny the attraction that he felt towards the tall, handsome alien, but he knew that said alien wasn't interested, and that he, in fact, _hated_ Ryou.

"So…" Ryou said, in an attempt to break the awkward silence that had settled over the room. "You and Retasu?" Pai scowled up at him, holding out his glass to be refilled.

"We went out with Kisshu and the Mews." He said as Ryou picked up the bottle, filling the alien's glass. "You know that Retasu and I have been pretty close friends since we made peace." Although he said it more as a statement than a question, Ryou still nodded, genuinely interested in how the two had gotten together. "Anyway, we talked a lot, and then we were dancing together, and then…" Pai paused, staring at his wine. "We kissed, and then, before I knew it, we were… um… what do you call it? Making out, or something?" Ryou stifled a laugh. "Yeah, and then we were in her apartment, and we were undressing…" Pai laughed humorlessly. "I guess you don't really want me to do go into too much detail." Ryou shrugged.

Pai looked up at the ceiling, a small smile curling onto his lips. "It was amazing." He said, his voice becoming quieter. "All the emotions that I've kept bottled up for all these years seemed to flow out of me…" He frowned at his wine. He paused to take a sip before continuing his story. "I've always known that I loved her. I thought that I might tell her after we made peace with the humans, but these past three years, I've continued to keep it a secret." He smiled sadly. "I was so happy to finally have her in my arms. _Finally mine_." He whispered the last part as he swirled the wine in his glass. "I thought that it meant that we would be together, and that you were no longer part of the equation." His expression turned sour and he glared up at the blonde man. "Oh, how wrong I was."

"I'm sorry." When Ryou spoke, his words were genuine. Pai stared down at his glass again.

"I need to use the toilet." He growled as he set the glass behind him and stood up, stumbling out of the kitchen. Ryou stared after him, listening to him crash into something occasionally. He took a sip of wine and stared silently at the ceiling. How could he have messed things up for someone so badly without even meaning to? Even though he knew that it was out of his control, he still felt guilty about the fact that Retasu had left because she was in love with him. When he heard something crash elsewhere in the café, he set his glass on the counter and went to the source of the sound, finding Pai curled up on the floor. Rolling his eyes, Ryou bent down to help the impossibly drunk alien.

"I hate you." Pai growled as the blonde pulled him up, allowing himself to become a crutch for the drunk alien.

"I know. And that's the third time that you've said that."

"Can I sleep here?"

"If you want. The only available bed is mine, though."

"I'm fine with that as long as you don't touch my irresistibly gorgeous body while I sleep."

Ryou chuckled in spite of himself. As he helped Pai up the stairs, he stared at the carpeted steps, remembering the days when the Mews were still protecting the world, remembering when the aliens were still the enemies of humanity. Glancing down at the drunk alien, he saw the sorrow glittering in his violet eyes. Helping him to his room, Ryou allowed Pai to fall onto the bed, not bothering to take off his shoes as he lay on his bare stomach.

"I really, really love Retasu." Ryou heard the alien mumble as he rubbed his head on the pillow, causing electricity to spark throughout his lavender hair. "I love her so much… it hurts so much…" Ryou stood beside the bed, staring down at the rambling alien. "She's so beautiful, and her hair's green… it's so cool… like a tree or something… she's salty, like the sea… or maybe that's just when he had sex… I could stare into her eyes forever… so beautiful… she likes books, so I wanted to buy her some… no money… so smart… she's so perfect… I love her glasses… so cute."

Turning away, Ryou walked towards the exit, stopping in the door frame to look back at Pai.

"Good night, Pai-san."

"Fuck off. I'm thinking of Retasu."

Ryou smiled sadly as he left the room, closing the door behind him.

* * *

Ryou woke up to the sound of his cell phone beeping loudly. Groaning, he pulled the device out of his pocket, blinking to clear his eyes as he looked at the screen. _1 New Text Message_. Clicking a few buttons, he sat up in the extremely uncomfortable chair that he had slept in.

_I'm so confused. :(_

_-Retasu_

Ryou sighed and closed the message, dialing the girl's number. The phone rang for a few seconds before Retasu answered.

"_Hello?"_

"Hello, Retasu. It's me."

"_Umm… hi, Shirogane-san…"_

"What's wrong?"

There was a pause.

"_It's Pai-san."_

Another pause, in which Ryou sighed.

"What about him?"

Pause.

"_Um… well… last night… we…"_

"I know."

Ryou heard Retasu gasp and when she spoke, she stuttered.

"_H-how did y-you know?"_

He rolled his eyes in spite of himself.

"He showed up at the Café last night. Let's just say that he's a pretty talkative drunk."

Another pause.

"_Does he hate me?"_

"No, I don't think so. I think he's just hurt."

"_Oh…"_

Ryou sighed again.

"Listen, Retasu, I have something to tell you."

"_What is it?"_

"I know that you like me."

Silence.

"_O-oh."_

"Retasu, I know that you know this, but I'm not interested."

"_Oh."_

He felt guilt wash over him as he heard the tears in her voice.

"I'm not interested in Ichigo either, or any other girl for that matter."

Silence again.

"Retasu, I'm about to tell you something that only one other person in the world knows."

He took a deep breath.

"I'm gay."

The other end was quiet. All he could hear was a soft breathing. He felt nervousness take over. What if she told the other Mews? And then, he heard a laugh on the other end. It wasn't a mocking laugh, just… nervous.

"_Wow… I'm so stupid…"_

"No, you're not. But, my opinion might change if you don't tell Pai-san how you truly feel about him."

"_Oh… um…"_

"He told me everything last night. He couldn't stop talking about how much he loves you and how beautiful you are."

He imagined that at this point Retasu was probably beet-red.

"If you want to talk to him today, I imagine that he'll be in bed for while with a hangover, so he won't be in the best of moods, but if you want to, you can come see him."

Pause.

"_Thank you Shirogane-san. I think I'll do that."_

Ryou smiled.

"No problem."

Another pause.

"_Did he really drink that much?"_

He laughed.

"Well, lets just say that he was Horribly drunk when I found him in the kitchen, and he emptied a whole bottle of wine while he was here, so… yeah, I'd say that he drank a lot."

"_I see… um… I'll talk to you later."_

"Bye Retasu."

"_Goodbye, Shirogane-san."_

_Click._

_

* * *

_"My head really hurts."

Ryou looked up from the pan to see Pai glaring at him from the doorway, holding his head. He couldn't help but notice that the alien had shed his shoes and suit coat, but he returned his gaze to the eggs that he was cooking.

"I'm not surprised." He chuckled as Pai continued to glare at him.

"You are not to tell anyone what I told you last night."

Ryou frowned, looking back at him.

"You remember that?"

"I'm a superior species. My memory is absolute."

Ryou smiled, once again returning his gaze to the eggs.

"Well, it might be a little late for that."

Ryou missed Pai's change of expression from anger to one of pure horror.

"I told Retasu everything, including the fact that I'm gay." He said as Pai's face darkened in rage. "The coffee's in the pot."

"You _told_ _Retasu_?" Pai growled as he clenched his fists.

"Yes. By the way, I'd get dressed if I were you. She's going to be coming over."

"_WHAT?"_

"Don't be a baby and just put on some damn clothes."

"You selfish, manipulative, untrustworthy…" Pai paused, trying to find the words. "_Human!_" He hissed as Ryou whipped around, glaring at him.

"Excuse me, but I just told the girl that _you_ love that _I'm_ gay and that you're madly in love with her so that she can get over me to be with _you_!" He growled as he stormed over to where Pai stood, jabbing him in the chest when he was within reach. "You might not understand because of your culture, but on Earth, it can be seen as _wrong_ if you're gay, so you'd better shut up and be grateful."

Pai glared down at the blonde for a few moments before he heard a voice.

"Um… Pai-san?"

He turned, wide eyed to see Retasu standing there, a blush visible on her cheeks. He stared for a few moments before he too blushed, and began buttoning his shirt. "Um… hi, Retasu…" She smiled softly at him, looking down at her hands.

"I was hoping that we could talk…" She said softly as Ryou smirked, chucking slightly, which cause Pai to shoot him a glare.

"Of course."

As Ryou finished cooking his eggs, he saw Pai and Retasu embrace at the other side of the Café, Pai showering the poor girl with kisses. Ryou smiled and put his eggs on his plate.

"Goodbye, Pai-san."

* * *

**A/N:** _Okay… so… this was originally intended to be much more slashy and focused on Ryou and Pai, but I decided that this was going to be more guy friendship-ish? Anyway, I started this a couple of days ago, and I think this is one of the only fics that I've ever finished this quickly. And it's nine pages long in Word. Whoop!_

_I recognize that Ryou is probably out of character, but I haven't had much experience with writing for his character, so I hope that you'll excuse any incorrect behavior. And… well, since Pai's drunk for most of the fic, I don't think that it really matters. xD_

_Anyway, I hope that you enjoy. Please review!_

_Sincerely_, Zenaga the Sea Serpent


End file.
